On my best day I'm far from the person I want to be.
On my worst day, I'm a super-sized douchebag. The vinegar kind. Or so I feel.
Today was not my worst day, but I did feel like a bag of douche with a slight scent of summer flowers. Mostly because I drove my bike into a rose bush while playing with my ipod.
I stopped at the grocery store to pick up a few things. Things that best accompany a bottle of liquor. Important things. Things Nick Nolte keeps in his 5th pocket. You know, limes & cork screws and the like. So upon checking out I realized I left my Superman wallet @ home and had only a few dollars on me. $7, to be exact. My bill came to $6.33 so I gave a nod to the man behind me who also didn't think I'd make it. What? And then it happened. The woman checking me out (no, not THAT way)asked, "Would you like to donate your change to help children suffering with Leukemia?" Instantly I felt guilty like Sag's are prone to feeling for not being perfect, and instead of expressing what I really felt and telling her I needed the change for laundry but would bring back more cash later, somehow I blurted out, "NO!". Really loud. The man behind me snarled. I felt my eyes get really big and my face was hot (no, not THAT way...ok, maybe a little) and we stared at each other, the cashier and I. I was at a loss for words. When someone says, "Hey, you wanna heal kids with cancer?", who says, "NO."? This Girl!
I tend to stutter and stammer when I'm nervous or feeling emotional or extra sensy so I grabbed my change and ran out the door with dramatic flair. Also a Sagittarian trait that seems to get me nowhere. I had gone too far @ that point to turn back and explain. So I went home and drank.
Now if it were the only time it happened this past week I'd feel bad enough. But it's not...
I was driving through my neighborhood a couple of days ago and came to a stoplight. As I did, three kids came running to the car window. I thought, "Where's a gun when you need one?" But that was only because they were BIg kids, like their mama's gave 'em too much hormone-injected food for 12 straight years. Their tits were bigger than mine. All 3 tits. For real. So I roll down the window to see what they wanted. One says, "Hey, you're Ms. Costa, you work at my school." I said, yes, I do". Then I said, "What are you selling?" The one replied, "lemonade". I thought, "well they're a bit old to have a lemonade stand in the middle of this fucking ghetto." Then the girl said, "Do you want some?" My phone went off and the light turned green and as I was rolling up my window I said, "Don't get hit." I never even answered her.
I was walking to work a few days ago and I passed a man who made it his mission to talk to me. He was polite but smelled of old alcohol and I have issues with that. He also smiled like one of the creepier clowns in my dad's old clown collection. So there's strike two. I spoke with him and quickly realized he didn't REALLY like me or my hair or my new sandals like he originally said. He wanted cash. Don't we all? I told him I had none. I lied. I just really wanted to be left alone so I could think about all the things I had done wrong lately. I didn't enjoy rejecting his request. But I did enjoy the venti iced mocha I bought at Starbucks, a few feet from him. And when I came out sipping it he stared at me with "How-could-you-eyes?!"
Sometimes a Girl is deeply misunderstood. And sometimes She just wants to be left alone.
Now come to me with a REAL problem, like Prader-Willi, and we'll negotiate.