Today I stumbled upon a wig & a small tube of smashed lube in the middle of the street. Someone had a better nite than I did...
This weave pictured here, enveloping a small, used pamper was last week's treasure. I spotted it while walking home. I couldn't step away from it. I've seen weave laying on the ground before, in patchy chunks, but never so much. And never tangled around a soiled pamper. Pamper's such a fun word to say. P-A-M-P-E-R. See. Anyway, I couldn't help but wonder what the fuck happened. I mean, why doesn't anyone else seem affected upon seeing this nest of shit on the ground next to their car?! And when I showed friends they laughed but didn't question it. I, on the other hand, can't help but question everything. I only lost a little sleep coming up with the following scenerios...
#1- A baby, left to it's own devices, was seen wandering the streets of a certain neighborhood. The woman (or man) who spotted the baby child was in the process of getting her hair stitched on (I apologize, I've no idea how weave works. I have very short hairs)at a nearby salon. She immediately ran outside to save the child from oncoming vehicles and/or a few angry pigeons (both VERY unsafe), before her hair was properly sealed. Upon picking the child up she slipped on a used Magnum condom that are everywhere in this certain neighborhood, and she went headfirst into a parked Toyota (license plate, bbr-694U). She was unharmed as the airbag inside her hair piece exploded, leaving her safe but hairless. The child, stricken with fear over all the ridonkulousness he just witnessed, cried as he soiled himself, again. That made one heavy pamper. Too heavy to stay in place. So the pamper falls to the ground, landing on the weave that was just about to be picked up by the woman who ran to rescue the child. Now I don't know about you, but when my hair falls into/around/near a dirty pamper I just have to let it go. So did she. Hence, a pamper covered by hair. I didn't have the mental energy it would take to determine what happened after this part so we'll leave it here.
#2- I have always been disturbed over children's beauty pageants. It's just creepy to see a child in make-up and big hair. On a sidenote: did child beauty pagents originate in Pittsburgh? Just askin'... Anyway, our next scenerio revolves around a local beauty pagent. The contestant, Olivia, a little Caucasian girl who didn't know she was Caucasian because she could barely walk, entered the pageant because her parents were picked on as kids and had something to prove. Not having the appropriate amount of locks to be able to do fancy hair stuff, Olivia's parents decided to get her extensions. Now, where they went was probably their downfall. Olivia's dad didn't want to pay a lot because he had a rather large bill to settle with Rent-A-Center. So instead of listening to his "nagging" common law mate, he went to the outside hair stand next to the patchouli sticks and wooden beads. The woman in charge of the stand was mostly Asian with a bit of a southern twang. She spoke very fast and in circles. Olivia's parents didn't understand her, (who can, really?)so they shook their heads "Yes" and let her attach a large black "wig" to their child's little head. Everyone was happy. Until IT happened... As the family was walking to their vehicle an unidentified car, speeding up the street, slowed down just enough to toss a small pamper out of the window, hitting Olivia and pummelling her new hair to the ground. Angry that her cheap common law mate didn't just go to a salon to buy hair, Olivia's mom let the "wig" lay in the street where it fell and demanded her family go home immediately and never speak of IT. Olivia was never forced into another beauty pageant again...
#3- An elderly drag queen is still missing...
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