Today I felt 80...

I found myself bitching about the weather to a woman in the bank today.
Then I went home and noticed another grey hair while bleaching my teeth.(this makes 2or 3...sometimes my dog's hair is in my pillow) I also saw a wrinkle on my head that I didn't recall earlier. And after fixing and eating a "sangwich", I stood up and heard a crack. It could have been my knee but it felt like my vagina.

How can I be aging when I still feel 12?

I don't have the credit of an 80 year old. Or the car, home, or appliances. I do, however, pee a lot.

On a semi-related note: I've been contemplating having a baby lately. I don't really like or prefer babies. Mostly I want someone to talk to and open my beers and be better than. I would give birth to a toddler if it was possible but I don't think there's a loop hole there. And trust me, if there's a loop hole I will find it. I've been breast-feeding for years if that matters. Most of it was consensual. Anyway, I still need to think this over. I have some plants I've been keeping up with and I was told to start there. Psshhh, little bit of water every other day, no problem. I make it home most nights.

Okay, enough about babies. Right now what I really want is a Vespa. I'd like to buy one before I find another grey hair or "laugh line". I'd have better parking at Whole Foods. I could walk the 25 feet from my studio to Whole Foods if my feet weren't so sore and blistered.

I'm gonna chase this beer with a little Metamucil and a Werther's Original and call it a night, kids.
Let's hope for a youthful tomorrow...